Accepting the "New Self"

Topic: "Accepting the "New Self" - Survivor's Insight

May, 2011

Val Reynolds: Just over thirty years ago Val Reynolds was a passenger in a small vehicle her husband Don was driving on a BC highway as they headed for a not too distant family retreat. From the opposite direction, a semi-trailer ton truck, advanced towards them going too fast for the road conditions causing the truck to jack-knife into their lane, colliding full force with their vehicle. Don was killed while Val & their unborn child survived. Val's injuries were significant. In her own words, Val says, "...even though I suffered critical multiple injuries, it was the severe damage to my brain that would prove to be the most life-threatening and as I was to learn, the most life-altering." Val moved from surviving to thriving through years of participation in various therapeutic practices. It is Val's understanding & acceptance of her New Identity and accompanying New Life that stands as a foundation for her wellness. She is an Educational Speaker of Learning to live Well with Brain Injury and she co-facilitates Together Towards Wellness Therapeutic Groups for adult survivors of brain trauma with lead facilitator and program creator, J. Ellen Connell, RCC, CCRC, MA. Val moves forward, grounded in the guidance of these words; "Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have." 

Question

After sustaining brain trauma 5 1/2 years ago, among all the physical, emotional, cognitive issues that go with it
I am experiencing lingering feelings of profound loss and grief over my extensive losses.

How have you coped with these issues over your losses.

Any advice you may have from your extensive experiences would be most greatly appreciated. Kind thanks.

Delores

Answer

Thanks Delores for asking such a key question.

From my own experience and having listened to the stories of hundreds of others,
I know you join with so many others in your curiosity concerning the overwhelming feelings of loss that follow an injury to the brain.

Whether a traumatic event happened years ago or yesterday, you can heal and live well.

Your having insight; that brain trauma include losses, tells me you are already on a journey of healing.

Brain injury is about loss and what is at the heart of living well with brain injury is recognizing our changed needs as an outcome of those losses.

Awareness is a first step in accepting our changed self, our New Self.

As I began to accept the need to adapt to my changed needs, adapt to my New Self, I was unsure how to proceed.

I turned to those health practitioners, traditional & alternative, who are trained, current, knowledgable & experienced with the challenges of healing with brain injury
& with whom I felt safe, respected and understood.

I learned the complex & often frustrating nature of brain trauma, including past & daily memory impairments.

I learned I needed to:

- have a way of keeping a record of my past, present & future activities [my tool box includes; a day-planner, computer, photos, daily life card system, & an I-phone]

- & so important, I find ways to express my feelings - gentle, strong, scary, joyful...well, you get the idea :]

So ... over the years & in my present life as complements to appropriate medical & psychological therapies:

• I meet & stay connected with others who are having similar experiences - in sharing our stories I receive support & am reminded I am not alone.

• I read about people's accounts of overcoming life-altering events. "To know the road ahead, ask those who are coming back."

• I participate in what I call "creative healing" with a variety of artistic undertakings; painting, drawing, photography, mixed media collage & recently, art journaling.

• I listen to music daily. For centuries, sound has been used successfully to induce states of physical, mental, and emotional relaxation.

• I have & continue to practice Stott Pilates and am now learning a Restorative Yoga that focuses on deep relaxation providing an opportunity to renew & heal with spiritual/meditative benefits.

• I sleep with a regular schedule & as much as I need. During sleep, my brain and body are recharging.

• I practice gratitude and in doing so I am reminded of the positive things in my life.

For me, all these ventures have built a foundation for me to build my New Life on.
For me, all these ventures increase my feelings of hopefulness, well-being, self-confidence and empowerment.

Be gentle with yourself.
We are on a life-long journey of achievable adjustments & adaptations. 

Question

Hi Val My friend was struck by a car on a crosswalk 18 months ago. A group of friends looked after her while in the acute stage. 18 months later ICBC finally had an outside assessment. She has traumatic brain injury. She has no family and is isolating from her friends. She has meetings with doctors, lawyers and ICBC where she represents herself but she is unable to follow up but will not accept help. She has no family. I just contacted our local Brain INjury association for guidance. Do you have any information to offer as you were also a survivor? Maybe some of this story rings true with you.

C.

Answer

Hi C.,

Your advocacy on behalf of your friend is admirable.

Trusted friends, by becoming educated about the outcomes of brain injury, can help in normalizing a Survivor's experience.

Your reference to your injured friend's behaviours;

• isolating from friends
• representing self [without the skills to protect one's interests]
• unable to follow up
• will not accept help

are common responses for those with brain trauma prior to sustainable treatments.

So, yes, your story does ring true for me.
However, it is important to appreciate there are similarities with every brain injury and every brain injury is also, different.
I found it really tough to ask for help during the 1st years following my injury. Acknowledging the overwhelming feelings connected to my brain trauma was, initially, just too difficult.

Brain injury is a complex reality.
In this format I can only touch on a couple of my realizations. I am hopeful you will gain some understanding of the 'why' that may be underlying your friend's behaviours.

For myself, I learned that to live well with my brain injury, I needed to manage the Denial that was negatively impacting my life.

Firstly, I needed to find a way to manage the Denial that was a direct result of the physical damage to my brain.

Pharmacological recommendations were prescribed by a doctor who was knowledgable, experienced & current regarding brain injury medications.
I learned appropriate medications can regulate neurological changes that were interfering with my awareness of the outcomes of my brain injury.

The second type of Denial is psychogenic, having a psychological origin rather than a physical one.
While this type of Denial was essential in protecting me from overwhelming experiences, it was also excluding needed personal growth.

For myself, effective psychotherapeutic interventions consisted of;

• regressive hypnotherapy [allowing me to experience sufficient recall to accept that I had in fact sustained a catastrophic injury]
• individual, one-on-one counselling [direction & support to cope emotionally with my disabilities & re-establish meaning in my life]
• professionally guided mutual-aid groups [in a safe environment, secured by a trained professional, I was able to connect with others who were having similar experiences thereby 'normalizing' my changed self]
  

We know when one person experiences trauma that family and friends can be traumatized also.

Your choosing to see a counselor, for yourself, with respect to your friend's crisis, could assist both you & her in adapting to her New Self.

It may be that you could assist your friend by gently & respectfully guiding her toward both counselling & group support.

I wish you & your friend the best is navigating a journey, most beneficial, in my experience, travelled with willingness, courage and mindfulness.  

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